Darci Lang Focus on the 90%
September 2017 — Seasons

I once had an audience member tell me that we will go through many seasons in our lives and we will need to adjust ourselves differently for each season. This summer I entered a new season of my life.

Our 17-year-old daughter went from being driven everywhere, home for meals and the occasional hang out with her Mom to driving on her own, working a part-time job and hanging out with friends. I went from seeing her constantly to barely seeing her at all and I missed spending time with one of the most amazing young women I have ever met. We raised her to be independent but it all seemed to be happening so fast. I gave many speeches that started out with “It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s everyone else driving on the road with you”. I knew it was necessary for me to step back watch her take steps forward.

After eight years of difficult anxieties our 15-year-old son started to use the many tools he was given by his counsellor to stop relying so heavily on Mom and Dad and learn to be “ok” in the world. Soon enough his fears slowly dissipated and he rode off on his bike with his friends. I had to adjust to not worrying about him all the time and correct some of my own 10% co-dependent behaviour I had created after years of worrying and coping. I am so proud of the choices he makes everyday to get up and show up for his life.

I allowed myself to feel the 10%s during that time and embraced the many 90%s. I now found pockets of time for me, time for my marriage and I learned to love this new season of watching my children turn into incredible young adults.

Now as I look out the window at the gorgeous yellow leaves on my tree I am excited about this new season.

Nothing stays the same forever. Are you going through a season in your life right now? Something that requires you to adjust to a new way of thinking and being? Teenagers, divorce, a move, a new job? Adapting to a new season is a skill that we need to develop over our lives. It’s important to allow yourself the time to feel the 10%s and then make a choice to adjust and find the 90%s because the seasons will continue to change whether we like it or not. Image may contain: tree, sky, plant, outdoor and nature