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Happy Mother's Day

I've also done a great new video available here!

Arsy Was Born

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are moms, surrogate moms, guardians, and mothers in your communities and workplaces; I celebrate you.

I’ve been a mom for 22 years, and I’ve done some really hard things in my life, but I tell you, being a mom is one of the hardest. I have learned so much about myself; parenting is the most intense personal development journey of my life.

I learned at a very young age that my children were listening and watching my actions, my words, and my behaviours. One of the gifts I gave myself during motherhood was making sure, 90% of the time, I showed up the example of what I wanted them to be. I learned a valuable lesson about this when my now adult daughter was 18 months old.

My daughter was playing on the floor with her new doll. Now, this doll did not have a name yet, and while she was playing away, the phone rang (back in the days of landlines), and I picked up the phone; it was my girlfriend. I was pregnant with our son, and she asked me how I felt. I said I felt really pregnant, and my arse was really big. As soon as I finished the call, my daughter, hearing that while playing on the floor with the doll, held it up and proudly called it “Arsy.”

It was an incredible example as I stood in the kitchen watching my daughter call this doll Arsy based on what she just heard me say. At that moment, I knew my children would watch, listen, and model my behaviour. No matter how hard I tried to convince her that this was not a good name for the doll, it stuck.

I have made a lot of mistakes, I am not a perfect mom, and we absolutely have 10% days, but I show up. I don’t think it’s ever too late to show up. I don’t care if your children are two, twelve, or twenty-two; it’s never too late to do things better and differently. Tell the people you raised that you love them and are proud of them.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms out there; thank you for all you do in the most difficult job in the world.

My Favourite Things

Raindrops on Roses…

My client Sherri gave me a great idea. She said, “I am turning 52 years old, so I am going to make it a year of celebrating me.” She has made a list of 52 of her favourite things and has committed to doing something special for herself once a week Sherri told me, “The life challenges that arise are cushioned by the celebration and nurturing of my soul.” Since 2023 is all about showing up, I was so impressed that she was showing up for herself in such an amazing way.

I loved this idea so much that I will incorporate this for April. Rather than doing a year of my favourite things, I will do a month of them. So, for the next thirty days, I will share thirty of my favourites! They will be something I love, I can’t live without, that makes me happy and helps me run my business.

Life can be very stressful. We need to find ways to balance the challenging 10%s and nurture our soul. What do you love, can’t live without, and makes you happy? When I speak at women’s conferences, I often ask women to write them down. For some people, it has been a long time since they thought about what their favourite things are! Then I challenge them to find more time in their calendar for what they love, get out from behind a screen and show up for their life.

The last quote in my Embrace the 90% book is from Michael Bernard Beckwith, and it says, “If this experience were to last forever, what quality would have to emerge for me to have peace of mind?”

Relating Michael’s quote to the theme of this April Booster, I would add another layer to his quote: If this experience were to last forever, what do I need to DO to have peace of mind – and happiness?

Be an Army of Support. Show Up For Other Women.

My theme this year is “Show up,” and my theme for March is “Show up for other women.” I have to tell you there have been a few 10%s in my life right now, and yesterday was a super rough day. It was like everything just added up to be a lot. Before I crashed, which I didn’t have the option of doing, I knew what I had to do to protect and preserve myself. So, I slept in a bit and eased into the day slowly. Though I was blessed with a huge work day, I took a good look at what I had to do, not what I wanted to do; I just took it easy because I knew I needed some recovery time.

Then I ordered myself a beautiful, healthy lunch, and I sat and ate slowly at my sunny kitchen table. I went back to work, and I looked again at what I had to do. I was honest with my clients, and I said, “I’m sorry everything I told you I’d get you today I’m going to have to get you tomorrow,” and every single one of them said that was okay. I worked as much as I had to and then I took my dog Holly for a long sunny walk. When I got home, I put a podcast on, and in the sun, I made a beautiful, healthy supper. When Darren got home, we went for another long walk so we could talk and I could process how I was feeling. I texted and called my army of support, my girlfriends whom I love so much, to vent and process even further. I felt so loved and supported that day. I had a peaceful quiet evening and went to bed super early. Emotional stuff is exhausting.

As I lay in bed, I thought of the millions of women who just had the day I had. The millions of women who woke up and had a really rough day, who do not have the flexibility at work to move their schedules around. Women who do not have a sunny table to eat at, money for healthy food, or a spouse or partner to share all that with. I thought of and prayed for, the women who do not have an army of supportive friends.

So, for March, let’s support other women. Reach out to them and support them in any way you can. Love other women because everyone has bad days.

What can you do to support and show up for other women?

Feb-YOU-ary

Show Up For Yourself

This month, it’s all about YOU – taking care of and loving you. In order to show up and love others fully, you must have energy, feel good and love yourself first. So, how do we do that? Well, let me share what has worked for me.

For me, it’s a combination of mental and physical go-tos. On the mental side, it’s training my sweet little brain on how to be positive and think good thoughts, and, of course, knowing that complaining only increases your negative energy. On the physical side, my four go-tos are sleep, exercise, nutrition and meditation. Sounds easy right! This month I will be running a video series highlighting how each one of these components has changed my life, helping me show up for myself and others.

Here is a sneak peek of what I share on the six videos.

The first video will teach you how to handle the negative thoughts that come into your brain by shepherding them away from your 90%s so they don’t hijack your day! The next video will teach you to talk more about what you are grateful for and remind you that complaining more than three times about something is your trigger to “lay that sucker out!”

Sleep is sanity. Learning how to identify what actions you are taking during the day that makes you tired and understanding how a night of great sleep is one way to show up for you this month. Exercise is a non-negotiable routine for me, as I believe you can’t be mentally well, unless you are physically well. It is also therapy for me, and I share ways how to find time to fit this in; trust me, you are worth it! Enhancing nutrition is key to me feeling my optimum self, and it is a journey! Balancing nutrition is a key component to loving yourself, and I share how doing this has helped me show up! Finally, quieting my brain through meditation helps me to slow down, unleash and capture my creativity and feel grounded. It’s been a real game-changer for me.

So, this month, take the time to invest in and focus on you. Just try it; you’ll be happy you did!

Show up for important you,

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! An annual tradition that seems to consume most of us this time of year is the making of a New Year's resolution.

If you’ve followed me for a long time, you know I don’t like to make a New Year's resolution to start the year. I like to create a theme for the year and for years, I have been creating a new theme. Have you ever tried that instead?

For this last year, my theme was “Worthiness.” I had just written my fourth book, a woman’s book called Embrace the 90%. I talked a lot about trauma, and I just felt I needed something that was a little more healing. So I picked the theme worthiness, I bought myself a heart-shaped rose quartz ring, and I had that ring all year to remind me of my theme.

For 2023, my theme is “Show Up.” I have been speaking this year for 30 years, I have been with my husband Darren for 30 years, and my admin assistant Sandra has worked beside me for 30 years. You know what? I have shown up for my life. Like last year, I bought myself a fun ring this year to remind me of how I have shown up, and need to continue to show up in 2023. Throughout the year, I’ll share how my “Show Up” theme is going, as well as those that have shown up for me in my life.

If New Year's resolutions aren’t for you, join me in creating a theme in 2023, support it with a reminder piece, and honour the thing you need to work on the most this year. You will be happy you did! Again, happy new year, and I look forward to hearing all about your themes for 2023.

Happy New Year!

Life is Short

Use the Good China!

Years ago, I was out walking my dog, and there was a garage sale in my neighbourhood. I stopped because everything they had seemed new and in packages.

There were beautiful crystal glasses still in their box, china dishes that had never been used and satin pyjamas still in the package. As I touched those beautiful things, I asked the person hosting the sale why everything was still in the original packaging. He replied, “My mom just passed away, and these are all her beautiful things. She never used the good things; they stayed on the shelf and in the drawer.”

I walked away, and it made me feel so sad. That beautiful soul did not want to use the good things in her life. Why not? And now it is all being sold at a garage sale. My grandma had shelves of dishes we had never used.

Why do we pull out the good things just on holidays? Why the heck don’t we use them every day? Use the good stuff. This Christmas season, haul out the glasses, use the dishes and sleep in the silk pyjamas. Then, when the Christmas season is over, leave it all out to use every day.

Life is way too short not to use the beautiful things we have.

Believe in You

Just because they say it…
Does it mean it’s true?

I was in high school and told the teacher how much I enjoyed his class. Without looking up from his desk, he said, “That’s nice, but you will not amount to much if this class is all you are good at.” I shrunk a little. When I started my three companies, I fought through this label. To add to it, people would constantly ask me if my business was something my dad gave me, or they would look past me, asking me if someone older could help them instead. I was told I was too young, too female and lacked education way too many times. I did not set out to be a motivational speaker. I was 24 years old when my bank manager Ed asked me to speak to his staff about my “Focus on the 90%” idea. Saying yes to Ed led to the career I have today. It was hard to believe in myself at first. I played small. Could I really do this? I overcompensated; I wanted to be like the speakers I saw on television.

After years of fighting through this label (and many others), I did amount to something. I became comfortable in my skin. I learned how to be a speaker, one who was authentically me. I owned that. I stopped playing small and unworthy. I won awards and was recognized by my peers. I wrote books. I have mentored many people and go out of my way to help people bust through the other side of their labels. I challenge others to see how their labels have held them back from getting what they want. Just because someone told you that you would not amount to anything, does it mean it is true?

Believing in you…

Living, Loving & Learning

It was 1993, and I was 24 years old, having what I now call my “quarter-life crisis.” I was a physical, mental and emotional mess. I went to the library and took out every book I could on self-help. I sat on the floor of my run-down rental house, stopped drinking and partying, and I read one book at a time to help move me forward in a positive way.

I remember the Saturday night I stayed home to read Living, Loving, Learning by Leo Buscaglia. I was sitting on my couch, and though I didn’t have any money, the money I was saving not drinking all the time, gave me a little extra money for a small pizza. I remember that day. It was one of the many that set me on my path to wanting to be a better person, and the author Leo Buscaglia sounded like the kindest man in the world.

I saved that book, and last weekend I read that book again. It took me right back to being that brave young woman who wanted to change. I underlined this part of the book, and I remember reading it and thinking, I want to be that person. “You are all you have. Therefore, make yourself the most beautiful, tender, wonderful, fantastic person in the world. And then you will always survive.” I wanted to survive. I wanted to take better care of myself and live a wonderful, fantastic life.

I finished the book, and on the last few pages, there was a stain where I dropped pizza on the book. I touched the page and smiled. My life is 100% different than I ever thought it would be. Since that day, I have made small choices to love the woman in the mirror. To believe I was worthy. No one taught me how to do that. I learned how. Let’s spend this fall learning how together.

I am pulling the following quote from my latest book, Embrace the 90%, as I think it helps relay the message.

“Let’s stop passing a mirror and seeing what we don’t like, and instead look right into that mirror and say, “I love you” to the person who stares back at you.”

You are worth it.

From Darkness Comes Light

It has felt like a heavy September so far. There is sadness in our world, in our province and close to home, and it comes to us in many forms. It came to me recently by attending a child's funeral, and I hope never to experience that level of sadness again.

We read, hear and deal with tragedies, but what if we reduced the time we spend learning more about them and focused that time on what we can do to help instead? We spend so much time focused outward.

We spend so much time and money on our appearances, homes and businesses but do we take the time to spend on our inner selves? Spend more time on what you can do to be a better human being. So, then you can help more human beings. We focus on the external world, but what about the internal one? When you are a full, rested, nourished person, you can fill others from that place.

Pay attention to what is taking your time and attention away from taking care of you. Then ask yourself, what could I do slightly better to feel better?

When you feel better, you act better. So, when I am kinder to myself, I have the love and energy to share kindness with others.

The world needs kindness. Your community needs kindness. Your team members need kindness. But, most importantly, the people you love that are hurting need you. Are you going to show up for them?

Stay Grateful

As I walked into the hotel lobby for an event this week, it was full of people. There were people smiling, some were crying, and some had blank stares.

As I waited in the hallway for my client to arrive, I chatted with the hotel staff and asked them why the hotel was so busy. I learned that the hotel was full of people who had to flee their country with only the clothes on their back.

As the day wore on, I met some of those people in the hallway. I watched their sweet children running around the hotel and wondered what they thought. One man shared with me how sad he was to leave his family pictures behind. “No memories,” he said, “no memories.” What really got me was when a woman told me they had to leave behind their family pets. I hugged a few strangers and prayed Canada would be a fresh start for them.

I came home that day extra grateful. Grateful for my home, my family, our pictures (ok, a hard drive full of pictures) and my sweet pets.

I know we all have full lives with 10% mixed in. Times like this really reset me. My stresses are so small in comparison.

Happy Summer!

I like to kick off the summer with a re-read of Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul. Michael asks the question, "If you had a week to live, what would you do with that week?" I think a lot about that as I walk my beloved dog Holly in the cemetery each evening. What would I do?

I know exactly what I would do. I would slow life right down and fill my days with only the things that I love and bring a smile to my face. I would wake up super early and thank God for the life I never thought I would have. I would spend all day in our beautiful backyard and kiss and love up my pets. I would tell my family what I always tell them, that I love them, and I am grateful that I got to be their wife and mom.

A big part of what I would do that week would be to invite everyone I love to my house, and one by one, I would tell them why I love them so much and what impact they have had on my life. Then we would party with beautifully catered meals — big, long, into-the-night celebrations. At the end of that week, I would open up my laptop one last time, and write a message to all of my clients and audience members to thank them for their support with a reminder to live their lives fully. I would write a letter of love and appreciation to everyone in my circle of support—the family and friends who have been so loving and supportive.

Then Michael also asks a second part to this question, "What can you do to incorporate some of those activities into every week of your life NOW?"

Great question. I will start by telling all of you how much I appreciate you and all you have done to support my career as my client, audience member and follower. Thank you.

What would you do?What can you do to incorporate more of that into your everyday?

Laugh

One of my favourite people was my great Aunt Fuss. Her name was Mary but because she was such a fussy baby, she earned the nickname Fuss. After her passing, my dad was given a box of her personal things. Recently, my dad found something special, a bible that had been given to her in 1924. What made it extra special is that Aunt Fuss had written in it, “To Darci from Fuss – 1976” and no one had ever seen that.

My dad brought me this bible, and it had a bookmark in the middle. I was so excited to get this and thought for sure that the bookmarked page would be a passage that would change my life. I thought Aunt Fuss must have earmarked those pages for me to learn something extraordinary. So I read the pages over and over, I researched the passages and nothing.

Then it hit me. The message was not in the pages but in the bookmark itself, “The most wasted day of all is that one in which you have not laughed.”

You are so right Aunt Fuss; it is a wasted day when we have not laughed and smiled.

The last two years have been challenging, and some of those 10%s could definitely cause our smiles to fade. Let's make a choice today to laugh, smile and not waste another day!

Time to Embrace the 90%

I hope that in a world that has 10%s you are able to wake up in the morning and put your 90% magnifying glass in front of you and see what is good and what you can control every day, something that has radically changed my life.

Now I just finished my fourth book, finally! My fourth book, Embrace the 90%, a book for women, is out today and I am so grateful for this book. You know, yesterday I was listening to a podcast with Michael Singer, the author of The Untethered Soul, and he just finished his second book and he was explaining in the podcast how the book just needed to be written, and I can resonate with what he said. I needed to write this book. Though I have three books already, honest and vulnerable, authentic me explaining the 10%s I’ve been through, this is even a deeper dive.

This book is called Embrace the 90%, How to Slay Fear, Defy Your Labels and Love Yourself. And I am going to explain a very lengthy process I went through to overcome fear and trauma in my life. Then I want to talk about our labels because we were given labels as children. We’re told things by exes and coaches and people we love that just aren’t true. And if you can learn to see what you’ve been told through a 90% lens, you’ll learn that it made you resilient and made you powerful. And then the last chapter is about loving yourself because some of us didn’t learn how to do that, and I’m going to mentally, physically and spiritually fill your self-love toolbox full.

Thank you for all of your support, thank you for being a part of my newsletter, thank you for being a part of my social media. I can’t wait for you to have this new book. Take care.

Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/RLE_6eSXNbs

Peace of Mind

I am officially done my new book for women called, Embrace the 90% - How to Slay Fear, Defy your Labels and Love Yourself. In one of the final chapters, I share a quote by speaker and author Michael B. Beckwith that says, "If this experience were to last forever, what quality would have to emerge for me to have peace of mind?" This quote has changed how I show up when there is conflict around me.

There is a lot going on and some of it feels like it is lasting forever. We are still feeling the mental and physical effects of COVID, war abroad and for some of us, winter has returned. That is in addition to what our day-to-day life already throws our way. We are busy doing our jobs, running our businesses, leading teams, providing customer service and running our households! It's a lot. People are worn out. So how can we have peace of mind in the middle of all of that?

I guess I would answer that with a question, "Despite all of the experiences that are going on around YOU, what are you doing to emerge with peace of mind?" What are you doing to grow as a person despite the experiences? How many times a day do you move your thoughts from what you can't control to what you can?

Lifting Up

I went to the grocery store and there was a small table with plants for sale. There on that table there was a small plant that needed so much love. Her pot was hanging halfway off of the table and it looked like she might fall. She was wilted, her leaves were dirty, her ends were brown and she was in desperate need of some water. I have been there, in need of a haircut, nourishment and love.

She looked like she was clinging onto the little life she had left in her. Her pot was cracked which made me think, had she fallen off of that table before? I could not possibly leave her there. I picked her up and put her in the front of my cart. I brought her home and put her in a new pot and I watered her. I gently wiped the dirt away and trimmed her dry ends. Within hours she was alive again and her wilted leaves lifted to the sky. She sits on my desk as I write. Every day she looks better and better, she is growing.

I know it is a tough time with health, weather and all things going on in the world. It feels like clinging on the edge of the table. The only one thing we can control is how we take care of ourselves and others.

Hang in there.

Worthy of Repair

Our refrigerator was making a weird noise, so I called a repair person to come to the house. My handy husband can fix almost anything (definitely a 90%) but appliances are not his specialty.

As I always do, I am chatting up the repair person as he is working away on the fridge. I asked if they have been busy lately and he replied, “We are so busy!” He went on to explain that with all of the people working from home now they are hearing all the little noises their appliances make that they never noticed before. The 10%s are really annoying them.

This is a great parallel to our relationships right now. With many people being home all day, we are noticing all the 10%s that we may have not heard or avoided before. There is nothing like spending 24/7 together to start to see the 10%s in each other. I have looked over at Darren and thought, “OMG, did you always chew like that?” and I know he thinks, “Did you always talk this much?” Despite our 10% annoyances we have committed to doing what we can to see each other through a 90% loving lens.

Did spending all of this time together bring you closer or push you further apart? If COVID has been hard on your relationship be honest with yourself. Was the noise there before and are you just hearing it now? Has this time together revealed the things we need to work on … and repair?

You are worthy of a great relationship.

You Are Worthy

My theme for 2022 is worthiness. You must believe you are worthy of a beautiful life.

For those of us who grew up with trauma and abuse, it changes a child. When bad things happen, and people tell you mean things, you believe it is your fault. You learn to see yourself through a 10% lens. I spent years healing the wounds of my childhood, so I know I am worthy of love.

I am worthy of a great marriage, and I know I am half of that equation. Love yourself fully first. When you do, it is easier to stop focusing on the 10% things that do not matter. You then see your partner through a loving 90% lens.

I taught our children that, no matter how someone treats you, you are worthy of love! Don’t let one unhappy 10% person's opinion change how you see yourself. You are worthy of good friends. Don’t hang out with negative people.

Being a speaker exposes you to people who tell you what they think of you. There will always be unhappy people who will try and make you feel unworthy. Run an ethical business, do the best you can and be a kind, loving person in the world. You know what that is? Good enough!! You are good enough, even if one 10% troll on social media tells you otherwise.

If I asked you if you feel worthy, what would you say? If you would say yes, that is GREAT; continue doing more of what you are doing.

If your answer is no, then this is the year to work on why you don’t feel worthy. What happened to you to change how you felt about yourself? Heal that wound. Don’t waste another year doing the same thing.

You are worthy. Now all you have to do is believe it.

Sister in worthiness.

Oh God!

It was 1977, I was eight years old, and my dad and I were sitting on our brown and orange floral couch in our little dirt basement house talking about the movie, "Oh, God!". George Burns played God, and John Denver played Jerry Landers, who worked in a grocery store. God picked Jerry to be a “messenger in the modern world”. There is a scene where Jerry asks God, “How can you permit all of the sufferings that go on in the world?” God responded, “I don’t permit suffering, I permit free will. You can choose to love and cherish each other, or you can choose to hate each other.”

I remember asking my dad what God meant when he said that. My dad explained to me that we all had a choice how we treat people, we can be mean, or we can be loving. He went on to say, “Just like we are doing now. I love and take care of you, we love Great Gramma, we love our pets, and we share with others.” I liked that answer a lot. I did love my dad, my Nan Nan and my sweet rescue pets. I knew my dad shared. We didn’t have much, but I would see dad give money to people who needed it the most.

For the entire month of December, I challenge you to end suffering by choosing love. Let’s share. Please follow me on social media. I am going to give you an idea each day of how to be more loving. And of course, I will be sharing.

Have a loving December.

Going In

Have a loving December.

Life Lag

Have you ever experienced jet lag? I sure have. You feel exhausted, you move at a slower pace and you have a hard time getting back to your normal routine. COVID can make us feel like that. We were tired before and COVID has heaped on more job loss, sickness, fear and anxiety. People are tired, anxious, moving at a slower pace and they just want to get back to their normal routine. I call this life lag. Do you feel life lag?

Years ago, we had an exhausting 23-hour adventure getting home from a family holiday. As we were challenged by cancelled flights and long layovers, we were also receiving texts from our pet sitter saying that our cat was very sick. We arrived home in the middle of the night. I took one look at our sweet little pet and I knew, something was terribly wrong. An hour later I was sitting at an emergency vet clinic with a diagnosis that there was nothing they could do to save her. On top of my jet lag, life had just hit.

So, what did I do? Exactly what we should be doing during COVID.

I cleared everything off my long list that would add unnecessary stress to my life and that did not matter and I focused on ruthless self-care. I knew I could not be a depleted mom and be a support to my depleted family at the same time. I slept a lot. I prepared nourishing meals 90% of the time and I ordered food in on 10% days. I fought my usual coping mechanism to keep busy and instead we made a long list of fun things each of us wanted to do. We snuggled on the couch and watched happy movies each evening. We talked a lot about how we felt and we cried when we needed to cry.

What do you do to overcome your jet lag? Do you nap? Are you kinder to yourself and those you love? Do you slow things down? Why not do that now?

We need to take care of ourselves and the people we love so we can overcome life lag and get back to our normal routine.

Take care of you!

Difficult Days

I remember the last time I saw my grandma. I remember walking into that hospital and down that long hall to her room. The very kind nurse said, “She is not responding to anyone, but you can sit with her.” I slowly entered the dimly lit room where my grandma laid with her eyes closed. I moved the chair to her bedside and held her frail hand. Though I had thanked her so much for all she had done for me I wanted to thank her one last time. I thanked her for being such a loving grandma to me and for all the wonderful memories she gave me. I kissed her forehead and whispered through my tears, “You know how much I love you, right?” My grandma slowly opened her eyes, looked right into my soul and said, “I know” and squeezed my hand. She closed her eyes. I never saw her again.

That was a really difficult day for me. To be resilient means to recover quickly from difficult situations. I drove home all those years ago thinking about how resilient you would need to be to work in health care. As I am preparing to speak to hundreds of health care employees virtually this fall, I am learning, it is difficult. Some are not recovering quickly. Health care employees are taught to put the patient first. What I want to say to all health care workers now is: You have certainly been resilient, and you are continuing to do so! Please do what you can to put yourself first. Build up your resiliency by doing a small thing each day to show yourself the love you show your patients. I know it is hard when we are tired and depleted but you have to believe you are worth taking care of too. Then, when all of this is over my hope is that you get the recovery time you so deserve to overcome these really difficult days.

Take special care of you!

Lessons Learned

I grew up in the early '70s with my dad. He would tell you that we grew up together. He taught me so much about life and I learned a lot of life lessons from him. I loved those early years. I can close my eyes and see the little, tiny house we lived in. I loved that house. We had so many mice in the dirt basement house that we often kept them as pets. I learned … you didn't need a lot to be happy.

I had a very special dog named Paddy. My dad took me to the humane society when I was a year old to pick her out for our new life together. Paddy lived to be 18-years-old. She and I grew up together. She and I were both rescues. Dad was right, I did need her. I learned … every home needs a pet.

My bedroom was filled with hand-me-down furniture and anything that was homemade. My dad had a soft spot for well-made things. I learned ... the value of homemade things.

The garage in our back yard was where my dad first started fixing Volkswagens. As a teenager, he had rolled his sister's beetle after a party, and he fixed it back up for her. You can still find my dad in his garage. I learned … how to be an entrepreneur.

We ate really healthy — lots of beans, rice, and veggies that my dad grew in our huge garden. Friday was called "goulash" night, and everything we didn't eat all week got put in a frying pan. I wasn't allowed to have sugar. My dad paid to have all my baby teeth capped silver. He called my teeth his Ferrari as he joked; he could have bought one with the money those teeth cost. Imagine how much money the tooth fairy brought for a silver tooth. I gave all of my Halloween candy away to children in need. I learned … how to eat healthily and to share.

I helped with everything: cooking, cleaning, laundry, and vacuuming. I would even sew buttons on shirts on Saturday mornings while I watched cartoons from our orange and brown floral couch. I learned … families stick together.

My dad had motivational books on the coffee table, went to meetings and parenting classes. I learned … personal development is important.

I love you dad. I learned … how to always say, I love you.

Happy Father’s Day.

Patience, Please …

I ordered something online from a company I had never ordered from before. The response notice I received with my order was like many these days, “Please be patient with us. Your order may be received later than expected.”

When I received the box, it looked like it had fallen off the truck and someone had driven over it. Everything inside was great but the box looked terrible. The courier said to me, “I sure hope you are going to call and complain about the state of that box.” I smiled and responded, “Never. Not my style to complain. There are far greater problems in the world.”

In her book Miracles Now, Gabrielle Bernstein says that happy people would never post a mean comment. She is right. We don’t. I am not going to negatively post about, email or call a company that could be struggling to keep up with demand. I would be embarrassed to call them with my “first world problem” of a box that wasn’t delivered in perfect shape, in a world that needs kindness. Just because you are entitled to give your opinion, does not mean that everyone wants to hear it.

I do the best I can as a motivational speaker. I give up a clean house and go to bed at 10 p.m. I eat healthy and give up pizza and wine (Monday to Friday!), so I never call in sick. I leave unanswered emails to exercise every day so I have energy. I give up sleep and wake up at 5 a.m. so I can meditate and be focused, grounded, and happy. I read, watch and listen to things that help me to be a better human being. I truly give my company and audiences everything I have. Do you know what that is? All I can give. Do you know what else that is? Good enough. Even with all that I do, there is still the odd, unhappy person who posts a mean comment.

People are giving the best they can give right now. So, before you decide to focus on the 10% and post about, email or call a company with a mean comment stop and ask yourself “Will I be a happy person if I do this?” Perhaps you will be happier if you don’t.

Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day
Does this past year feel like Groundhog Day? In my webinars, I ask my guests to share how they are feeling using a scale of 1-5. 1 is blah, 3 is okay and 5 is great. They quickly type a number in the chat. Then I ask them what word(s), feeling or emotion go with that number. Guests will type words such as terrible, tired, okay, and optimistic and in most of my webinars someone will type “Groundhog Day.” Groundhog Day meaning they are feeling like they are repeating the same day over and over again.

If you have watched and love (Like I do!) the 1993 classic movie, Groundhog Day, you will know that Bill Murray was forced to live the same day over and over again. At the start of the movie, Bill is an unhappy, unkind man and is very upset about living the same day over and over again. Then he slowly realizes that his days are going to stay the same, so he decides to change. He invests in himself a little bit each day and starts to become a happier, kinder person. Without spoiling the movie for you, it ends with him transforming himself into a better person.

If you feel like this past year has been Groundhog Day, could you change that? What if you invested in yourself, a little bit each day, so when all of this is over, you will be a better version of you? Once my webinar guests answer the 1-5 question and enter a word or words associated with the number they chose, I ask them one more question, “Why? Why are you feeling what you are feeling and what are YOU going to do to make a little change each day so you will be a better you when this is all over?”

Cheers to breaking out of your Groundhog Day!

A Year of Lessons

Here is what a year of very different has taught me…

Resilience. I've learned many skills and tools to deal with trauma, crisis and stress but resilience has always been my go-to.

Innovation. After 27 years of speaking, Sandra and I have a lot of structure in place to get me out the door each week. We are a very well-oiled machine. This year, we had to overhaul that machine. A year later, we are still improving it as we speed down the highway at 100 miles an hour.

Kindness. This year has been very hard on people. Some are really struggling. This year, I committed to doing many random acts of kindness to remind others that I care about them and that they are not alone. How will you be remembered by your coworkers, clients and friends when this is all over?

Positivity. Of course, I miss my old job, the human connection, and working in an empty house but these are the 10%s that I have no control over. I choose to put my 90% magnifying glass in front of me and ask, “What is good today?" and "What do I have control over?”

Love. I give my workday the best of me and I strive to have something left at the end of the day for those that I love. Does your family think that you are doing well?

Readiness. I have been asking my webinar guests for a year, "Who do you want to be when Covid is over?" It’s not too late to decide on how to move forward.

See you on the other side. I can't wait.

Be well.

What I Know For Sure

Twenty-eight years ago, I moved my tuxedo store to Regina and my girlfriend said, “We should go out for supper and celebrate your new business.” I said, “Sure, but we are not going to the bar after!” Well…she won, and we did go to the bar and I met my husband, Darren, that night. We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.

Here is what I know for sure.

In order to be happily married, you have to first be happy yourself.

Darren and I have been through a lot. A. LOT. And the commitment I made to my marriage was that I would take ruthless care of myself so that no matter what was happening I would come to the marriage “full”. Darren wasn’t to make me “happy”, I needed to be happy first.

Communication is key.

We are constantly communicating. The 90%s and the 10%s. You cannot sweep your relationship problems under the carpet. You will trip over those lumps in the carpet for your entire marriage. We have woken up 1,456 Saturday mornings together, poured a tea and coffee and checked in on how we are doing. In the worst of times, in the best of times - we have talked it out.

Focus on each other’s 90%s.

Truly. Seeing each other through a lens of love, patience and compassion has allowed us to be kind and loving towards each other. It is so easy to see the 10%s! I could list 10 things that bug me about Darren and he about me. But I could list you another 90 that I love about him too. And I tell him often, so often, how much I love and appreciate him.

Take care of you. Then take care of those you love. In that order.

What Would Dionne Say

I took the day off. Did I have time? No. Did I have unanswered emails and a book deadline. Yes. Did I walk over a dirty floor, past laundry in the washer and dishes in the sink? Yes. Did I care? No. I grabbed my dog Holly and we walked; really, really far. I needed to be alone and process that my friend Dionne Warner died.

As I walked, I thought about the courageous woman I had called friend and I finally had a good cry. Then she popped into my mind and I thought, “What would Dionne say to me right now?”

She would say:

Stop crying! She would kick my butt if she knew I was sad for too long. She survived cancer nine times. Each time she was diagnosed with cancer she gave herself a 24-hour pity party then focused on the positive.

Go have a walk! She would say, “Leave the work and go and have a sunny walk!” No one I have ever met has better taught me the importance of enjoying each day to the fullest. Literally, no one.

Look around at how beautiful everything is! No one loved to explore more than Dionne and in all her worldly travels, she loved our beloved Saskatchewan. She taught me to mindfully take in all that is around me.

Get rid of toxic people! She told me countless times that she didn’t let toxic people in her life. Three strikes and you are out was her rule.

Celebrate life! Dionne and Graham celebrated life, like no couple I have ever met. And Darren and I were so blessed to be a part of some of those celebrations. I tear up as I think of our last meal together. (Oops, sorry Dionne, no more crying.)

Love! There is no greater love than the love story of my precious friends.

I walked home slowly feeling very grateful for my life, my work and my messy home.

What would Dionne say? That EVERY DAY is a gift.

Check out this great tribute. https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/1852486211739?fbclid=IwAR36pBd0ApVemk9qDIdQLcKBVYnI9gV9_gct8Kydfba7oSQwY909xzsU4QA

Next Level

If you have followed me for a while, you will know rather than making a New Year’s resolution, I like to pick a theme.

In 2020, my theme was Joy. By March, I wondered if I should have chosen something different! The world wasn’t feeling joyful. People were suffering. I was dealing with some of the deepest learnings I have ever experienced. But, as winter turned to spring, I quickly realized Joy was the perfect theme. It forced me to take out my 90% magnifying glass and find the joys, even if some days, those joys were small.

My theme for 2021 will be Next Level. I will look at each part of my life and see how I can take it to the next level. I want to be SO ready when this world opens back up.

How can I take my health to the next level through meditation, nutrition, sleep and exercise?
I will continue to clean and edit my home and take it to a new level.
How can I take my businesses to the next level? How can I enhance what I do? I am looking forward to leveling up my webinars, interviews and writing my fourth book.
I will look at every customer interaction and ask, “How can I take my customer service to the next level?”
As our bubbles grew smaller and smaller and we were locked away, I learned who were the most important people in my life. In 2021, I am asking myself: how can I make my marriage a more fun and loving one? How can I best parent my now adult children?
As I interact with those around me, I continue to challenge myself with how can I take kindness to others to a new level?

It doesn’t matter how well you did in 2020. You did the best you could. Go easy on yourself. Pick a theme for 2021. Choose one that is realistic. It is time to focus forward. What will your theme be?

Cheers to a next level year.

Sharing What You Have

As I am sitting down to write this month’s newsletter, I wanted to ask you to please share anything you can this month. Anything.

As I am writing this, I received an email from one of my favorite clients.

Hi Darci,

Earlier this summer my husband and I decided to sell our home in the city and move closer to our children and grandchildren. We bought a house in a little community and within the first week, four neighbors came to welcome us with cookies, flowers, and homemade bread! If that isn’t a 90%, I don’t know what is!

I was feeling sorry for myself with the lock downs and not being able to get out and meet people in this wonderful little town. Then one evening, I was scrolling through the town's Facebook page and came across a message that read:

“My wife and I have not been financially impacted by COVID-19 and so we want to give two families in our community who have been impacted each a $150 gift card to the store of their choice. Please tell me your story and I will select two families."

Well, Darci, I cried and said to my husband, we have not been hit financially either so I want to help too. So, I posted that we would also donate two $150 gift cards. There were fourteen families that reached out and their stories were all heart-wrenching – so what do we do? How do we pick? Well, what we did was purchase gift cards and donated them to EVERY family. We received a “hand-written” thank you card that I will save forever.

What can you do to help others? Please give what you can. Your money, time, talents, donations, food and most of all your kindness.

Thank you for sharing.

COVID Coping Calendar

It was one thing to be going into COVID in March but now it is a very different thing as we head into the cold winter months. How can we stay focused and feeling good during this time? Truly, how?

In all of the webinars I have been delivering, I am learning how many of my audience members and their leaders are worried too. How can we keep ourselves and others motivated, happy and coping well?

Rather than just feeling worried, sad and scared, let’s take the bull by the horns and take a deep look into his big scary eyes. Let’s face our fears and say to ourselves, “Ok, it is what it is, now what can I do to be well during this time? What can we do to be well personally, keep our families well and support our co-workers and staff? Most importantly, what can we do to make sure some of this winter is joyful, fun and full of 90%s?"

Since my husband Darren is a motivational speaker too (they call us Oprah and Dr. Phil!), we are going to work together on this. We will be bringing his message, Staying Up in an Upside World together with my Focus on the 90% message to build a COVID Coping Calendar. We need to fiercely protect our physical, mental and emotional selves right now, so let’s do it together!

Buckle in booster friends and connect with us on social media or on my blog. We are going be posting weekly ideas on what we can all do, to cope.

As my client last week said:

"Be positive and test negative."

Look Up

About 4pm everyday my dog Holly arrives in my home office and looks at me like, “Ok, that’s enough work, I am ready for my walk.”

I pat her sweet head, close down my computer, change out of my webinar friendly outfit and grab her leash. I leave work on my desk and dishes in the sink as I look past the dirty floor and just go.

I hurry past my children’s cars in the driveway and I feel sad that their plans have changed because of Covid. I feel strangely mentally exhausted from connecting with audience members through a camera on a laptop. Though I am embracing my new normal, I miss real human beings. I feel heavy as I pass some of my neighbors’ homes, knowing that some of them are suffering. I feel sad. I missed seeing my extended family this Thanksgiving. 10%s. I feel myself looking down.

And then…I look up. I start to smile. I feel the warm, fall sun on my sun-screened face. I relax my jaw and I lower my shoulders. I breathe deeply. I look up. The fall leaves are simply magical. I feel my feet on the ground, I hear the crunching leaves and I move my focus. I look forward with love at Holly looking back at me with excitement, like this is the first walk we have ever been on. I let gratitude wash over me. I become fully present about what is beautiful around me. Right now. This moment. And then I walk back home, slowly.

I bless my neighbors with prayers. I don’t want to let a day go by without remembering to do something kind for others. I pass the cars on the driveway and smile feeling grateful everyone is healthy and safe. I am home. Truly home. I refocused back on the 90%s and what I am grateful for. Grateful for what is good, today.

I put my hand on my front doorknob. I smile, I soften and then I enter with gratitude.

Since March 13, I have taken over 150 walks. I love walking. It is healing.

I can’t wait to see Holly again tomorrow at 4pm. She is my constant reminder to, look up.

Carry the Torch

My friend asked, “How are you doing?” I responded, “On the other side of a tough time, fully 90% focused and adjusted to what is new.” She said, “Now go carry the torch. We need you to spread your message of positivity and hope.”

Carry. The. Torch.

Is the torch you are carrying lit? Maybe it’s dim right now. What do you need to do differently so that you can light the fire or keep the flame burning? What can you do to charge yourself back up? Pick one thing you can do to feel better and remember to be kind to yourself along the way.

What can you do to carry that torch to those around you at work? Be an example of hope. Change your language and talk about what is still good in an ever-changing work environment. Host a virtual meeting to discuss what is positive. Show up with a smile. Say thank you. See others through a 90% lens and tell them you appreciate them.

What about in your personal life? Don’t use up all the fire you have with those at work! Keep some of that flame for your family and friends. Have something left. They need your positivity and hope, too.

In a time when people are feeling lost in the dark, make a choice to carry your torch and bring light into the world.

Carry on!

Covid 10%

I was only 24 years old when I opened my tuxedo rental store and I became a speaker at the same time. I look back and I realize how young I was! I wanted to showcase my tuxedos in a local bridal tradeshow and I was turned away. I thought, “Ok, I will produce my own show then.” And I did. I worked so hard to produce a show that would support our local businesses and give couples a place to start their wedding planning. It became our family business and our children grew up working at the show. My heart is heavy today to say that after 27 years, we made the obvious and safe decision to cancel the show this fall. Stupid COVID!

Like many of you, our businesses have been affected. Our lives have been affected. It can be so defeating knowing you have to give into something you have no control over. So, what are some 90%s today? My family is safe and protected. Our staff, booth participants and wedding families will be safe. My calendar will open up another chunk of time to get ready for 2021. I will use that time to continue to truly “pivot.” When this is all over, I will be ready. I never let anything stand in the way of my success at 24 years old and I am sure not going to start now. I refuse to let COVID get the better of me.

There has never been a better chance to fully practice "Focusing on the 90%". Take out your magnifying glass each day and ask, “What is good today?”

We will be back better than ever, our show will be back better than ever.

This too shall pass.

When I wrote my second book, “Living the 90% - 9 Ways to Be Happier”, it took me a month. I would wake up each day and say goodbye to Darren as he went out the door to his office. Then shortly after, I would say goodbye to John as he headed to school and again when he went to his part time job. Our daughter, Jayda, was away traveling and I literally had all day and all evening to write. I wrote that book in one month, and then I went back on the road and traveled each week delivering my message.

Today I finished writing my third book, “Lead the 90% - Kind Leadership”. I thought it would take me a month. It took me almost five. I woke up each morning to write, but this time my family never left. Ever. I would find a quiet corner of the house and, as soon as I would start writing, someone would appear. I felt like we were piled on top of each other. I didn’t leave. Ever. My speaking schedule was wiped clean and I worried as I erased yet another event from my schedule. I missed wearing my dress clothes. I sighed when I would find an old boarding pass in my pocket. I missed traveling. I sighed when I found a client’s pen in my office, remembering how great their conference was. Though I have fully embraced my new webinar format, some days I really miss meeting real live human beings. I sighed as I passed pictures of family members I knew I would not see this summer.

Then I had to pull out my 90% magnifying glass. I had to change my view. So what if this book took five months? I changed my expectations and accepted what was to be. I simply love writing, so why wasn’t I focused on that? Darren and I turned fear into action and adjusted our finances and spending so we would be ok. We talked often about what we were grateful for: our health in a time when others were sick, our home and quieter schedules. I tried hard not to feel frustrated with my family. I was writing about kindness all day and some days I wasn’t feeling kind. I seriously detached from everyone’s problems. They needed to cope in their own unique way. They also had worries and their own reasons to sigh.

I am excited about our quieter summer schedule and the beautiful weather. I am detaching from worry and feeling excited to write my fourth book this fall and spend more time at home with my adorable pets (not the teenagers, the pets LOL!) I am excited about the future. When all of this is over, the world is going to need a 90% message. And it sure needs one now.

Be safe, well and positive.

Checking In

Month four. Wow, month four of a completely new normal. How are you doing? No really…how are you doing?

It is hard to see the 90%s when this 10% time in the world has been difficult for so many. I get that. These difficult times can sure reveal our true selves Despite the 10%s, can we still find 90%s in this difficult time?

It is not always easy juggling all we juggle in the Lang house a but I wanted to share something I do to reset when I am feeling overwhelmed. I know when I am starting to feeling 10% and I take action right away. Firstly, I completely unplug then I go outside. I feel my feet on the ground, close my eyes, feel the sun on my face and breath very very deeply. Then I intentionally focus on something I am grateful for. I let that feeling of gratitude wash over me. Then I pick something else I am grateful for. With my eyes closed I let that feeling bring a smile to my face. If I am not smiling yet, I pick something else. I open my eyes and I reenter the house in a kinder more loving way. Some days… I have to go out and do it again.

Check out my video to go along with this newsletter here: https://youtu.be/hIghXcISlnA

Showing Appreciation

Now that a new normal has settled in, I have been crossing off long lists at work and at home. I am living my 90% message and taking great care of my family, my business and myself. I am so grateful to be healthy.

As I work away in my business and my home there is not a day that goes by that I am not mindful of those who are not doing well. Those living in countries without the health care and financial support Canada is able to offer. Those suffering with Covid, those who are lonely and mentally unwell. I pray for those who have lost loved ones and those who are away from family. And then there are those disappointed by canceled weddings, ceremonies, graduations, trips and birthday celebrations. I pray for them too.

Every single day I think about the workers who are on the front line for all of us while are at home, safe and well.

It is National Nurses week and there isn’t a better time to honor the nurses and all of the essential workers for their selfless, tireless service throughout the world. I pray you are taking care of yourselves. I hope that at the end of your long work days you have a refuge to practice self-care. I hope you have support at home. I also pray that when the world gets back on its feet, you will be honored and revered for all you have done to put your lives on the line for us.

When you start to feel frustrated with your day and you are looking at your life through a 10% lens, stop and move that magnifying glass to the 90%. Be grateful. Give thanks that you are healthy enough to do all you are doing. And, while you’re at it, show extra appreciation to those on the front line, too. We really couldn’t get through this without them.

It Did Not Suck

Last year my 50^th birthday was wonderful! I got a diamond ring from Darren, the garage door I have always wanted, dinner out, and presents from my teenagers. My friend said, “Wow! This year is going to suck compared to last year.”

This year my birthday was different. My family took the time to make my favourite sushi supper. Jayda made me my favorite vegan desert. We sat in the dining room, set the table, turned off technology, and had a real visit.

I smiled as I looked around the table through a new lens, reflecting on all I have to be grateful for during this difficult time.

We are all together. Last year Jayda was living away from home and John was too busy with his friends to come for supper with us.

We are healthy. I did a healing prayer for everyone who is suffering and everyone in health care.

Darren and I are doing extremely well mentally. I am so grateful for him. We realize that we are a grounding force for our teenagers who need to know that, no matter what, they will be ok. I prayed for the children who do not have family support.

We have adjusted our spending to have just enough to get us by for the next few months—probably something we needed to do for a very long time.

We are wasting nothing, and I mean nothing—something else this family has probably really needed to do.

We have enough. If a store I loved was open today, I would be shopping at it, but what do I really need?

This birthday did not suck at all. It was wonderful, in a new and very different way… Through a different lens.

Be safe and healthy!

Moving Forward

Throughout the past few weeks of speaking, I have felt like Indian Jones in the “Raiders of the Lost Ark” during the scene where the big ball is rolling towards him. I have felt like the virus was chasing me and it was all I could do to quickly get to the next event before it was cancelled!

Today, as I sit down at my desk, it feels surreal. Every event I was going to be speaking at for the next few weeks has been cancelled. Normally my work week is an endless flow of wrapping up the last few events and preparing for the next ones. I have a new normal to adjust to for the time being; however, I will continue to find the 90%s in the 10%s.

Here are two important things I am going to do:

1. I will turn all fear into action.

I refuse to let fear run my life. I am going to view these next few weeks as a gift. I am always traveling or on the move in some way, but now I am going to use this time to cross off a very long list of what Sandra and I can do instead. We are so blessed to have videos that need to be posted, a new promo video to create, a social media campaign to cultivate, and I have two more books waiting to be written!

At home, I have already made a huge list of all the closets we can clean and the editing we can do before our beautiful summer arrives. My family is already wishing I was back on the road.

2. I will continue to build my immune system.

I have lived through H1N1 twice, SARS, and every other event that has happened in my lifetime. I have only missed one engagement in 26 years of speaking due to poor health. One. Isn’t that amazing? So, on social media over the next few weeks, I will be sharing all I do to be healthy.

Let’s start with the basics: hand washing, eating healthy, drinking tons of water, exercising, sleeping and meditating.

In my new “Living the 90%” book, I have an entire chapter on dealing with fear, and another one on taking ruthless care of yourself. I may not have any control over what is happening in the world right now, but I do have control over my reaction to it.

In the spirit of us all moving forward, I would like to offer you two books for the price of one. Order one “Living the 90%” book on my website and I will send you two! One for you and one for a friend. Then we all move forward together.

Be well!

Could we be happy anyway?

I am writing my third book right now called "Embrace the 90%". It challenges us to ask the question, “Could we be happy anyway?” No matter what is happening in our lives, could we embrace the great parts despite our 10%s?

Could we?

Regardless of what is happening in the world, at our jobs, among our coworkers, with our families, or within our own personal challenges…could we dig deep and still find happiness during the hardships? Could we be happy anyway?

My life has 10%s. Being a motivational speaker has taught me the power of being happy anyway. No matter what is happening in my life, 90% or 10%, I have to do my big hair, go out the door, and be happy. I am learning more and more about how other 90% people have this amazing ability to be internally happy, no matter what is happening around them. Some of the happiest, most joyful people I encounter every week have gone through, or are going through, very big 10% challenges; yet, they are still…happy.

Being a happy person in the world has taught me that if you are happy, people think you don’t have any problems. Guess what? Happy people have problems too! Trust me. The difference is, we choose to be happy. What’s the alternative? Choosing to be unhappy is not an option for me; I don’t have a job that allows me to be grumpy or miserable. I wonder how much that has trained my brain to embrace the good.

Despite your 10% challenge right now, could you be happy anyway? Could you pick up your 90% lens and embrace what is good?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Joy

Happy Belated New Year!

My theme for 2019 was Embrace and I truly could not have picked a better word for this past year. I embraced so many 90%s and completed the year by being inducted into the Speakers Hall of Fame; however, last year was not short of 10%s. I needed to embrace some big 10%s in my personal life.

Which leads to my theme for 2020: Joy. Dealing with 10%s in life can have a way of stealing some of our joy. One of the bonuses of being a motivational speaker is that you have to show up joyful and happy! This keeps me grounded and gives me perspective. I need to be at my best in order to inspire others to live their 90%s.

This year is going to be a full one. I am blessed with a busy travel schedule. I get to spend time in the studio producing new videos. I’ll continue to post on social media. And I am being called to write a third book. Rather than feel overwhelmed, I will bring JOY to all of that abundance.

I will bring joy to my home that needs me to be a joyful person. I will not be feeling overwhelmed with what I cannot control and I will constantly ask, “What is good today?”

I will bring joy to myself and make sure I am doing things that fill my tank. I will focus on exercise, meditation, sleep and nutrition. I will ask myself, “What will bring joy to me today?”

I will share my joy with people I meet. As I sit in an airport writing this, I do not see a lot of people who look like they have joy in their lives. I will do all I can this year to be an example of joy.

Speakers Hall of Fame

Today I am speechless. Which is rare for me. I was totally utterly honored to be inducted into the Speaker Hall of Fame this week at my Canadian Association of Speakers Convention. It is rare to meet a speaker who knew they wanted to be a speaker for a living. I had no idea I would be called to this career 26 years ago and am so proud to represent Saskatchewan and the Prairies with this prestigious award. Thank you, CAPS. I am grateful, and humbled, beyond words.

A special thank you to all of my clients, audience members and newsletter subscribers. Without all of you, I would not have this epic career.

So grateful.

A Kind Perspective

Meet Eugene.

It was a long travel day on a bitterly cold prairie night. I pulled up to the Co-op gas bar and was greeted by a man with the biggest smile. He had so much energy! He literally ran from car to car smiling and sharing his kindness with everyone. I watched him work his magic. I knew he had a story. I have never met anyone that kind and happy who did not have a story to go with their choice to be positive. His toque read “Kindness Wins”.

I teach my children that everyone has a story. I tell them to be kind. I want them to know it doesn’t matter how much money you make, how important your job is, what house you live in, or what you look like. What matters is that you are kind, loving people. The world needs more kind and loving people.

As I sat in my warm car, I thought about how Eugene was making the profound choice to be kind, and his toque told the story.

I paid for my gas, thanked him for his unbelievable service, and told him I would be the speaker at his staff training the next day. He thanked ME for being his customer.

Before I drove away I told him I felt bad he had to work in the cold weather. He looked me right in the eye and with the biggest smile said, “No hurricanes, no Earthquakes”. Talk about having a great perspective!

An Act of Courage

John was in England during the war and walked into a pub called “The Plough” where he was served by a woman named Olive, the daughter of the pub owner. He told her she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met, and she told him not to bother her because he was Canadian and she had no use for Canadian men.

He must have been very convincing since John and Olive were my grandparents. As I look at their wedding picture, I think about how difficult that time would have been—not only because of the fear and anxiety that went with the war, but because of the bravery it took for my grandmother to move away from her home country and start a new life with her husband.

Her courageous choice is the reason I have my wonderful life here in Canada.

I have heard countless stories about coming to Canada from family members, friends, audience members and passengers on the airplane. I always add to their story by saying, “Aren’t we so so blessed to live in Canada?” They always say how grateful they are to have made their own courageous choice to come here.

Who made a choice for you? Let’s never forget them.

What Are You Grateful For?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I like to make October “Gratitude Month”. I want to share some of the great ways my clients are implementing Gratitude Month within their teams.

In October, Erin and her team start every day by telling each other what part of their day they are most looking forward to. At the end of the day, they have another quick huddle to tell each other what the best part of their day was.

Tanya makes a “gratitude board” and the staff write on post-it notes what they are grateful for in their lives and post them on the board.

Bill challenges his team to go and extend kindness to someone in their community. They are encouraged to let people in in traffic, pay for coffee for the person behind them in the drive-through line, carry someone’s bags, cut their neighbor’s lawn, provide childcare for a friend, visit someone who is in need, and the list goes on and on. At the end of the week, there is a big cash prize for the person who shares the best random act of kindness story.

Susan asks her team to go into their personal life each week and tell at least one person they love, how grateful they are to have them in their life. They must pick someone they feel really needs to hear what they have to say because they don’t tell them enough how grateful they are. The best story for the month wins a fancy dinner out and a hotel stay.

All of my clients tell me the same story that the best part of Gratitude Month is that it not only changes people’s attitudes for the month of October, it changes them forever.

I am grateful for YOU subscribing to my newsletter and following me on social media.

What Would Your Miracle Be?

I have been studying motivation and happiness for thirty years now—attending seminars, reading countless books, going to counselling, listening to podcasts, and watching videos and Ted Talks. I understand that continual learning is essential if I want to be happy. Another thing I have found to be true, is that the happiest people I meet usually have had a 10% experience in their life that made them evaluate their thoughts, beliefs, and choices. The “Miracle Question” was something that has helped many in their journey.

I was introduced to a 1980s idea called “The Miracle Question.” I am paraphrasing but the concept is: “If a miracle graced your life tonight and this miracle was able to solve your biggest 10% problem right now, how would you feel when you woke up?” Take a moment to consider the possibilities.

What if…

The addiction was gone?

The job was better?

The weight was off?

The ex was kinder?

The anxiety was gone?

How would you feel?

Next, imagine that you just woke up and the miracle has occurred. Put your 90% magnifying glass out in front of you and ask, “What would be the first indication that a miracle has occurred? Would it be in how you treat yourself; how you treat the people in your home, your friends, your coworkers, or strangers? What would your morning look like? What would your afternoon look like? How would you feel at the end of the day?”

The key is that when you imagine how much better you would feel, you will set out on a path to seeing the 90%s.

I have used this exercise to help me detach from owning everyone else’s problems because—even if the miracle didn’t occur—it taught me how to treat myself and others as if it did. What if the people I love didn’t get better, could I be happy anyway if I acted as if they were? The Miracle Question helps me to see my life through a 90% lens.

What would your miracle be?

The Power of a Teacher

Teacher teaching how to count on whiteboard in the classroom. Woman teaching math to elementary students sitting in class. School children learning mathematics from teacher in modern class room.

Teaching is by far one of the most important jobs in the world and I feel blessed to speak to close to 2,500 teachers and support staff this month to kick off the school year.

90% of the staff I will meet will be loving, caring people who are passionate about their work. They understand that teaching and supporting students is a hard job and that in order to truly influence and motivate students, they need to be happy and motivated themselves. They have dealt with their own personal problems and they show up wanting to make a difference. They are there for their students regardless of the 10%s happening in their schools or at the division level. They show up with smiles on their faces, enthusiasm in their voices, and are ready for another year to begin.

Unfortunately, not everyone will be happy. Some will sit in my audience and not participate in any way and I worry, “Do they show up at school the same way? Do their attitudes affect their students? What impact do they have on the new teachers?” When our daughter was in grade four, I asked her how her day was and she replied, “We had a substitute teacher today.” When I asked what he or she was like, she replied, “I think she was having personal problems.” They know. Trust me. They always know.

We all have a choice on how we show up to work. Don’t let your choice negatively affect the self-esteem of another person—especially a child. Let’s be the kind of people who make others feel special, cared for and help them on their path in life.

Here’s to a wonderful school year!

Living Unplugged

Whew! I am very blessed to be heading into my “staycation” at my favorite place on earth—my back yard—with my favorite people on earth: my family, friends and pets. It has been one epic year so far; full of 90%s. I have had a wonderful season of speaking, and I released my second book! Thank you to all of my clients, audience members and to my admin assistant, Sandra, for your endless support.

I have spoken from coast to coast and looked after life at home for the last seven months. I have had some 10%s happen with only small bits of time to process them. I have worked around, under, and over the challenges but I have not had time to work through them. I will take some of my vacation time to journal, pray, meditate, heal and rest. The best way for me to do that is to totally unplug. To wake up, head out into the yard with a journal, a good book and a plan to be well. I will also take time to party, celebrate and laugh.

Goodbye email and social media... for a little while, anyway. Once on a winter get-away, my cell phone was stolen from my beach bag on the second day of our two-week holiday. After the shock wore off, it was awesome. It taught me how often I would reach for my phone and rely on technology for entertainment. After that totally unplugged experience, I vowed I would unplug on all vacations.

My wish for you this summer is to spend your vacation unplugged and fully present where you are. Do what you need to do so you finish your vacation saying, “That was an awesome vacation, I did exactly what I wanted, and needed, to do.""

Have an amazing summer!

Lessons From My Dad

My dad got custody of me very young. He would tell you that we grew up together. Here is what I learned from him:

You have a choice on how you turn out, despite your childhood.

When crappy things happen to you, get help and talk about them so that they don’t bog you down throughout your life.

Every child needs a pet to grow up with. They teach you unconditional love.

My dad grounded me when I was a teenager and had me work with him in his garage; but it was not for my benefit, it was for his. He wanted us to spend time together. He knew that the most precious thing a parent could give was their time and attention.

If you wanted a Volkswagen of your own, you had to help build it. (This was also a ploy to spend time together.)

If your dad didn’t like your boyfriend, he wasn’t a good guy. Dads seem to have a way of knowing this.

Don’t lend money to your kids, make them earn what they want because it means more and instills a sense of pride and accomplishment in them.

Everyone needs to know how to change their own oil.

Being a mechanic meant that you did a job that most didn’t know how to do. The customer who would be rude to my dad didn’t even know how to change his own oil.

When your 16-year-old girl calls you to tell you that her tire is flat, you tell her to change it herself. You empower your children when you allow them to figure things out on their own.

When the police bring them home from a party, you save the lecture for the morning.

When they leave home at 18 years old, you let them go. You never let them know how hard it was for you.

Always say "I love you".

Happy Father’s day!

Umma

I first ran this story in 2011 and wanted to share it with you again.

My mom and I never had a perfect relationship. But is any relationship perfect? We had a rough start. My mom got pregnant with me at 16 years old. My dad raised me in the early seventies. My mom remarried twice, had a family of her own and I only saw her on holidays. I always wanted to be closer to my mom but it was like we never knew how to be close. When I was pregnant with our first child 18 years ago, I knew I needed to talk to my mom about my feelings. I had never had a real conversation with my mom. I was so worried I would bring some of my unfinished "10%" feelings into my own motherhood role. I really did want to be closer to this woman I felt I hardly knew.

I invited her for a visit and a walk. I was very nervous as we started walking and I told her that my hope for this walk was to be closer to her. I wanted to get to know this woman and hear her side, something I had never heard. We walked for hours. For the first time in my life, I was having a real conversation with my mom. She told me stories of hard it was to leave me, her fears when she lost her leg in a motorcycle accident and her journey with breast cancer. We laughed, we cried, we fought and we bonded. I will never forget that walk.

Shortly after, she sent me a letter saying she would try hard to be my mom, but to be patient because she really didn't know how to be. She wrote she would give as much as she could but didn't know how much that would be. I wrote back promising her that I would try not to have unrealistic expectations. I would meet her where she was at, not where I wished she would be. I would see her through my 90% lens. It was the start of a much closer relationship. It wasn't always easy being her daughter...but sometimes it wasn't easy being my mom either.

That summer was the best. I have never felt so close to my mom. Our visits were full of love and laughter. Watching all of her amazing grandchildren in her yard made her the "happiest woman in the world". Her grandchildren all called her "Umma". I never left our visits without a hug, I love you and she ALWAYS said, "You know I am very proud of you right?" I left our last fun summer visit with a bag full of unripe tomatoes from her garden and I feeling like I was finally connecting with my mom like I always prayed I would.

A week after our last summer visit my beautiful mom died suddenly. She was only 59 years old.

There are layers of lessons I could write about. A lesson in communication and how important it is to be brave enough to say what we need to say to those we love. And a lesson in expectations. Sometimes we expect a relationship to be how we want it to be; in the meantime, we miss out on all the 90%s. A lesson in forgiveness. I wrote in my book that "My mom taught me forgiveness. Life is too short to carry around the burdens that do not bless your life or the life of others". Every time I came home from our visits this summer I would say, "Wow that is the best visit I have ever had." Thank God for those peaceful happy memories.

I went my mom's funeral feeling that nothing was left unsaid. I came home to her unripe tomatoes. My girlfriend said, "If I could choose the way I might leave this world and my loved ones, it would be with nothing left unsaid and tomatoes ripening on the counter."

Happy Mother’s day!

Facing Your Fears

It's my 50th birthday! And the first 50 years have been a true journey of finding the 90%s. The most important thing I have learned is to face fear. Not only have I faced fear, I have kicked its butt.

Fears in your business will hold you back. I bought my first company when I was 24 years old. They told me I would fail. They said I was uneducated. They said I was too young and too female to run my own tuxedo store. Instead of listening to them, I trusted myself. I believed I could fulfill my dreams and I transformed my fears into action. I became a student of great business owners. I asked great questions. And guess what? I started two more businesses that same year.

What if I never gave up the number one fear of most people — public speaking? I was simply terrified the first time I spoke. So I read, watched speakers, choose mentors and learned to face that fear head on. Had I succumbed to the fear, I would have missed a truly epic 26-year career.

Talking to the difficult people in your life and having critical conversations is a fearful thing to do. Once you work on your self-love and the belief that you deserve to be treated better, it will give you the voice you need. Toxic people rarely change. We have to change. We need to overcome the fear of talking to them and, sometimes, we need to walk away from them. Imagine how disappointed I would have been to look back on the last 50 years and know that those 10% toxic, unhealthy, narcissistic people won?

I had very fearful experiences as a young woman that could have paralyzed me from taking action. This is the biggest fear I have kicked. I have taken self-defense classes and learned how to be safe traveling alone. Overcoming those fears has allowed me to help our daughter grow into an independent, young woman who has moved out, is working late and traveling solo. If my fear creeps into my mind when it comes to her decisions, she will say, “Mom, you are projecting on me.”

Childhood fears can manifest into how we treat ourselves, how we treat our children, and how we treat other people. Get the help you need. Heal your wounds. I tell my teenagers, “You should be grateful for all the money I have paid for therapy, now you don’t have to pay for it later on!” (They only agree with that statement 90% of the time.)

I felt a lot of fear during my husband’s depression, our daughter’s health challenge and our son’s anxiety journey. I faced those fears one at a time and got help when I needed it. I did not let them run my life. I did not let them ruin my life. Each member of my family had to deal with fear in their own way and each of us continues to do so.

I have a reminder at our front door that says: “Let your faith be stronger than your fear.” In our household, we believe in bravely facing what life throws our way. Let your courage be stronger than your fears.

Cheers to the next 50 years!

P.S.: My second book "Living the 90%" will have an entire chapter on fear. It will be released in May 2019!

Living the 90%

Since March is International Happiness Month, I felt it was the perfect time to share with you the Top Nine Ways to be happier!

1. Pick a job that you love. Focus on the 90% parts of your job you DO like. It is human nature to complain and have meetings over what isn’t working. If you start to focus on what you enjoy and talk about it more, it will change the way you see your job. In turn, it could help shift the morale where you work. One person does make a difference. Be the person who makes a 90% one.

2. Avoid toxic people. I know easier said than done but, where you can, avoid the 10% people who are toxic and unkind. It has been my experience that negative people rarely know they are they problem, and quite often, they just don’t care. Believe you are worth being treated way better than the way they treat you.

3. Ask constantly, “What is still good”? Even in the darkest times of my life, I have been able to dig deep at what is still a 90%? Start with the fact you are alive and live in the greatest country in the world.

4. Deal with your 10%s. I have my three times complain rule. Throw yourself three pity parties and then lay out what you need to do to heal and get better. Find new ways to accept your current reality and your new normal. Resistance doesn’t solve anything.

5. Make someone else’s day. This is an instant way to make yourself happier. I am always looking for opportunities to put a smile on someone’s face. People deal with so many issues and traumas, they need to feel cared for and loved. By helping others, you help yourself.

6. Take ruthless care of yourself. Yes, ruthless care! We all lead enormous lives, we can’t do it all on an empty tank. Sleep well, eat well, exercise and ONLY listen to, read and watch positive 90% media. We all know how to be healthier but the bigger question is,”Why aren’t you taking better care of yourself?”

7. Change how you talk to yourself. Self-talk is so vital to being happy. See yourself through a 90% lens. Come up with great positive nick names for yourself. NEVER tell yourself you are stupid. Forgive yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You’re human. You will make mistakes and will not be perfect at everything. Nobody is.

8. Do more of what makes you smile. Write down three things you love to do that are healthy and fulfilling. Find space in your calendar right now to do all three. Go for walk, go to the gym, do something meaningful with your children — do it now! Don’t feel guilty about taking the time to do these things!

9. Treat your family like you treat your best client. Do you want better balance in your life? Then you need to apply the first eight ideas. The choices we make all day affect what we have left for our families. Quit giving the people you love your leftovers.

I am writing my second book “Living the 90” — 9 ways to be happier, right now! It will be released this spring. Stay tuned.

Celebrate Life

As we sit down to eat at a restaurant with our friends Graham and Dionne, the woman serving us asks, “What are you celebrating tonight?” Dionne says with the biggest smile and great enthusiasm, “Life!” I smiled and thought “I wonder what she would think if she knew that Dionne has just started another round of chemo?”

Dionne has survived cancer nine times.

Have you met Graham and Dionne Warner? If you have, you will never forget that you did. They are two of the most loving, generous people I have had the pleasure of meeting. I first met them as we shared a stage in 2015. I was beyond honored to be chosen to speak to their staff. Both of these amazing people have had 10% challenges that most of us could not imagine, and yet I have never heard them complain. They consistently celebrate life in the biggest, grandest way.

As we ate our meal, I asked Dionne what percentage of her healing would she attribute to her positive attitude. Without hesitation she said, “110%.”

In this month of love, let’s learn from this dynamic duo. Let’s celebrate every day we have and let’s remember the powerful role our attitude has in our life. It can truly heal.

If you ever get a chance to meet Graham and Dionne, it will change you. It will remind you that nothing we complain about is that important. It will remind you to…. celebrate life.

Embrace

I stood at the front door and choked back my tears as I hugged our girl goodbye. Actually, I spent most of the holiday season choking back tears. After our daughter’s graduation last June, the plan was for her to go to university for two years then move away to go to school somewhere else. Sounded like a great plan. She went to university in the fall and it was a 10% for her. She quit university, packed her car and moved to another province to work. Wait…what?

It was at that moment standing at the door I knew what my theme for 2019 would be… “Embrace”. I am still working through embracing the 10%s of how much I miss her (and worry about her) and I am learning to embrace the 90%s of raising a simply remarkable, independent, young woman.

The same week our son started driving and I am embracing all that is new with a teenage boy driving. Why do they have to cruise around ALL the time?

I am embracing a new marriage with Darren. After 26 years together and 18 years of parenting, driving to and sitting at our children’s many, many activities, it has all come to a grinding halt. We need to embrace the new-found freedom we have in our marriage, make sure we keep our marriage strong and not get sick of each other!

In my work, I need to embrace all that is changing in the world of being a motivational speaker. Like you in your business, I am facing lots of changes in technology and how we do things in our office. I will spend time embracing and learning about what is new. There is no sense in fighting the things that are changing and complaining about it, just do it!

I will turn 50 this year and I am going to embrace all that goes with that.

Perhaps you had some changes in 2018. Some were great 90% changes and maybe some were not so great. Pick a theme that will help you move forward in a positive way, to adjust to whatever your new normal is.

Cheers to your theme for 2019!

Thank You Ed

Ed was my bank manager at the TD Bank — the bank that took a chance on a 24-year-old woman who wanted to buy a tuxedo store. One day, Ed asked me what I thought one of my secrets to being happy all the time was. I told him I thought we all had a magnifying glass in front of us and we had a choice what we focused it on, the positive or the negative aspects of our lives. He asked me, “What percentage of your life do you think is positive?” I replied, “About 90%.” He then asked, “Would you come and share that idea at my staff meeting?” That simple question changed the course of my life.”

I remember that first speaking engagement 25 years ago. I was wearing a light blue suit that my husband (then boyfriend) affectionally called the “Matlock” suit. I stood in the bank before it opened, and the staff gathered their office chairs in the open lobby. My back was to the counter and I was grateful for that. I thought if I pass out, I will fall against the counter. I wasn’t a shy person, but I had never done anything like that before. I was so nervous.

Afterwards, a man who worked at that bank told his wife about my presentation. She referred me to a service club she was involved in and as they say, the rest is history.

Ed and I have kept in touch over the years and last week, I had a chance to visit Ed and thank him in person. I kept it together while I was there and saved my tears for the car ride home. I could not be more grateful to this kind man who gave me my start. I have a beautiful blessed 90% life.

This Christmas season reach out to someone who has shaped your life and say thank you to them. Call them, write them or pull up your chair beside them at Christmas and tell them. You might not be where you are today if it wasn’t for them.

Merry Christmas!

Everyone Has a Story

Are you perfect? When I ask my audience members that question only a very funny person will put up their hand. What right do we have to see others through our imperfect judgmental, gossiping, labeling, prejudice 10% lens when we are not perfect? And did you ever notice that those who do the most amount of judging and labeling are actually the ones who need the most “work”? How you see others is how you see yourself.

One of my many missions in life is to encourage people to take the time to see people through a 90% lens — the non-judgemental, compassionate, sympathetic, understanding magnifying glass. People have big lives filled with personal, work and family problems. Don’t we all have a story?

Look for an opportunity to make someone’s day. Open a door, give a parking spot away, let everyone in in traffic, buy stacks of gift cards and give them away, tip hugely, replace Christmas presents with charitable donations, tell people they are good because some really need to hear that. I find someone everyday to tell that they are doing a great job.

Make it your mission to go out in the world and this busy Christmas season and offer patience, kindness, compassion and understanding. You never know someone’s story. We can judge others, but I was taught not to judge others unless I was willing to help them. I can’t wait for the most depleted person in the airport to sit next to me, I always hear the story to go with the depletion and I will offer them a word of encouragement.

I had the blessing of hearing John DiJulius speak and he shares this video in his presentation. What a great reminder that everyone has a story.

Go be kind to someone today.

October 2018 - Thanks "Taking" - Are You Taking Or Giving?

I heard two guys talking the other day. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving weekend?” asked the one. His friend responded, “Well it's more like Thanks’taking’ weekend as I am 'taking' the day off, 'taking' the family to my dreaded mom's house, 'taking' time to visit my stupid in-laws and 'taking' the lawn furniture to the garage.” The first guy's response was, “Whoa you sure sound negative!”

I smiled behind them as I thought the same thing. Where did he learn to be so ungrateful for people who feed him dinner, a family to drag around and a house that has lawn furniture?

Thanks”taking” is seeing your life through a 10% lens. Thanks”giving” is seeing it through the 90% one.

What if we stopped taking from people and gave back? I know people who expect others to take care of them but rarely, if ever, do they give back. What if you took the time to thank those who have given so much to you?

What if your work place wasn’t the place that took from you but the place that gave you the life that you have? Even if your job isn’t your dream job, it’s a job. Some of the happiest people I met this week have shared stories of being unemployed.

Do you thank your employees? I see CEOS get up in front of staff and rattle off sales reports and strategic plans. As leaders, we have to stand in front of our staff and say “Before we start this meeting, the most important thing I can say to all of you is … thank you.”

Clients are tired of us taking their money and not giving thanks. When a client walks in say “Thank you so much for coming in today.” When they call, the first thing we need to say is “Thank you so much for calling our business.” Thank them again when they leave. I sign all emails, Grateful or Thankful.

Add “please” to yes and “thank you” to no. Try it, it changes how kind you sound. Anytime you say yes add “please”, if you say no add “thank you”. Apply this to every real conversation, email and text you send - at work and at home! This is something I taught our teenagers at a very young age. Yes and no on their own can be rude. Make it a rule.

Sometimes we give everything we have to the world and take from the people we love. Go home and give your best self.

Happy “giving”!

September 2018 - HAPPY SEPTEMBER!

It seems like almost everyone I have talked with this month is stressed. People are using words like “crazy, busy and insane”. What can we do to make September a happier month?

#1. Stop using words like crazy, busy and insane. Replace them with positive words. I know I am too damn happy but I say “blessed” a lot. When people say, “Oh you must be so busy!”, they are right, but my response is “I am and that is a blessing!” Feel grateful for the abundance of work and the luxury of going to school.

#2. Sleep and eat well. Every year, I enter September realizing the need for the basics to be done really well. You can’t possibly expect to have great outcomes at work, within our schools or in our homes if we don’t feel well. Look after your whole self.

#3. Make “today”, “this week” and “this month” lists. I still write everything down…old school. There is something euphoric about being able to cross things off. Just dig in and get it done!

#4. Avoid all toxic people. I know, easier said than done. Do all that you can do to protect yourself from anyone who has the power to rent space in your head. Negative people are in every workplace, classroom and community. They rarely change. Let’s get really good at making sure they don’t win and affect our performance.

#5. Look at what you are complaining about and ask yourself,” Is this something I knew would be a stressful part of my leadership role, job or schooling?” Chances are yes, you knew. Complaining is a habit, change the habit.

#6. Unsubscribe, direct deposit and don’t touch a piece of mail more than once. Look at every area of your life and ask, “Can I get rid of this?"

#7. Set serious personal boundaries. I could work 15 hours a day but I don’t. Set clear defined boundaries around when you are done work and when you take time to stop studying.

September in our office is flat out, back to work, speaking two or three times a week in different cities now until the end of year. Aren’t we blessed?

Happy September!

August 2018 - 4 Steps To Being Happier

Compass with needle pointing the word well-being. 3D illustration with blur effect. Concept of wellbeing or wellness

“The Science of Well-Being “is a course at Yale University and it is an overview of what psychological science says about happiness.It encourages four activities that align perfectly with my Focus on the 90% message: make lists of what you are grateful for, do random acts of kindness, exercise/sleep and meditate.

Make lists of what you are grateful for

This is focusing on the 90%! The ability to focus on what you are grateful for has changed my life. Some people think 90% is just too high of a percentage and I am just too damn happy. Fair. Whatever percentage of your life is positive, focus on that.

I am grateful for: my health, my home, my friends and my family — a husband who doesn’t think “happy hour” is where problems are solved and teenagers who are on such good paths in their lives, my pets and the list goes on and on.

Do random acts of kindness

Smile genuinely at everyone. Feed people you know are hurting. Leave gift cards for people who do a good job. Leave the coin in the shopping cart. Compliment people on their sweater, how kind they are to their children and their beautiful yard. Thank people for opening the door for you, their great service and for being your customer.

Text people and tell them you love them and why you are grateful for them. Give everyone who begs for money, money or food. Don’t judge through a 10% lens, just be kind. You don’t know their story. Leave people feeling better.

Exercise and sleep

I can trace every time I have focused on the 10% to being tired and depleted. Sleep is sanity for me. The times I try to function on little sleep prove to be very unhappy and unproductive days. I find myself being ungrateful, annoyed with people and then I start a vicious cycle of looking for caffeine.

Stop watching TV late, get off of your phone, no late eating, leave unanswered emails, walk over toys and housework and get some sleep! Quit playing martyr to your life and just go to bed.

The best exercise in the world is a walk with my dog, Holly.

Meditate

I tend to be very busy and live off of adrenalin. Years ago, a naturopathic doctor told me if I kept that up I would wear out my adrenals and I would suffer with poor health later in my life. Wow. I took that very seriously.

I take small pockets of time a few times a week to just sit, close my eyes, breath deeply and focus on one great thing. This form of mediation calms me right down. I do it on the airplane, while I wait for teenagers in the car and up early sitting on the deck. Calm adds a layer of genuine to people. Grateful you are a part of my social media world,

June 2018 - Congratulations Graduates!

I was honoured this year to be asked to give the toast to the students at my girl's Grade 12 graduation. As I thought about it, I realized my advice to these young people was very much like the advice I'd give to any one reading this post. So here it is - the four top lessons I have learned:

Pick a job that you love

I am sure if you asked the parents in the room, many of us are not working in a job that we thought we would be doing when we graduated. My hope for you is that you do something that you love. Many opportunities will be presented to you. Be open to them. No matter what you choose make sure you wake up and go to a job that will make you happy.

Surround yourself with only positive people.

I believe that your friends will determine your future. If you hang out with people who want to be better and be a better version of themselves, then you too will always strive to be better. Don’t hang out with people who make you feel bad for wanting to improve. Rid yourself of all toxic people and make a choice to only surround yourself with great positive people.

Remember you can’t please everyone.

No matter how hard you try you will never please everyone and you miss out on a lot of your life trying to please them. I have a quote in my office that says, “If someone says something unkind about you, live your life so that no one will believe them.”. Build God's armor around you and focus on the great people in your life.

Be kind.

You are a beautiful/handsome, talented, brilliant group of young people. That is wonderful and you have your entire life ahead of you. Do all that you do well but don’t forget to be kind first. Being wonderful is...wonderful. Being kind is everything.

Congratulations!

May 2018 - Feed You First

My friends say to me, “I can always tell when you are doing well because you feed us!” I love hosting people but I can’t feed you unless I have fed me first.

Sandy sacrificed so much to raise me — she is a saint! She has put up with so many 10%s over the years and continues to love unconditionally. She was the first person to teach me how to see the 90%s in my life.

Physically, I look after myself by eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep. I have to be rested, nourished and cared for to be able to care for others. I look after me, then two-legged humans and the four-legged dog and cat in my house. Only then can I reach out and look after and feed — you. That is why some weeks it is all I can do to feed me and those in my house and go on the road again.

This Mother’s Day feed you first. Even if your mother did not teach you how to take care of yourself, do it anyway. That’s an old story. Stop walking in the footsteps of people who didn’t take care of themselves. If we learn how to feed us first, we can then teach our daughters how do to the same.

Happy Mother's Day!

April 2018 - Don't Be A Putz

I am having lunch with my aunt and she says to me, “Don’t look up, I don’t want the guy who just came in to see us.” I asked her who he is and why don’t you want to see him?” She replies, “He sells to us on the farm and he is a total putz.” Just as she finished the sentence, he approached the table. I was excited as I wanted to see what gave him the title of “putz”.

Here is what made him a putz.

My aunt is not a loud person. Instead of matching his personality to hers, he was just his loud self. You could tell it was annoying her. He needed to read the room and adjust his levels.

He did not make eye contact with her. He looked around the restaurant as she was talking as if to see if there was someone more interesting.

He hit on our very good-looking waitress…with a wedding ring on his finger.

When introduced to me, he shook my hand overly hard and insincerely and did not make eye contact. And then he handed me a business card, which I had not asked for.

He did not pull up a chair, he towered over us the entire time.

When it was time for him to leave, finally, he said goodbye to my aunt and said, “Goodbye Tracy” to me.

Many of us are in the business of relationships and the impression we leave stays with our customers, no matter where they run into us.

If this guy had pulled up a chair, smiled, looked my aunt in the eye, focused only on her, asked a genuine question and remembered my name, it would have been a completely different experience.

Take a minute when you meet people to make sure you leave a non-putz impression.

Genuine handshake,

Darci

March 2018 - What Makes You Happy?

Do you ever stop and think about what makes you happy? Take this moment to create a list right now of what brings you joy. Now look at what you wrote down and ask yourself, “When is the last time I did something on this list?”

After 25 years of being on stage, I have learned that happiness can’t come from the outside; it has to come from within. You have to tap into what makes you truly happy and find more ways in your life to make time for those things. I know that we all have 10%s in our lives and some of your 10%s are truly affecting your happiness. Trust me, if you start doing some of the things that make you happy again, it will help you reset.

I wrote my list and there were 35 things on it. Here are some of them:

Waking up at home (before everyone else) after being on the road for a couple of days
Sipping a cup of good green tea
Flipping through a fresh new decorating magazine
Decorating with anything turquoise
Spending time at home on Saturday preparing meals for the week
Buying garden fresh food—I have paid $4.00 for an heirloom tomato at the Farmers’ Market
Walking my rescue pup, Holly
Meeting my friend (with Holly) for a walk around our amazing Wascana Lake
An evening alone at home
Having one of our teenagers say, “Do you want to do something together?” (It’s rare and I will drop anything to do it)
Sitting at my desk, in my beautiful office, ready to start a work day
Going on a date with Darren that usually involves eating sushi, checking out a big box renovation store and then watching a movie at home
Enjoying epic summers in our back yard
Having potlucks, games nights and great red wine and food with friends

Happy International Happiness Day

February 2018 - Love You

Love Yourself Be You Self Esteem Confidence Encourage Concept

The most important thing I have learned in my 48 years of being a daughter, 25 years of being a wife and 17 years of being a mother is that you have to see yourself through a 90% lens first. Nothing in your life will change if you do not change the person in the mirror. Why is self-love so difficult for many people? It’s because we don’t think we’re worth it and nothing could be further from the truth.

The greatest gift that you can give yourself this Valentine’s Day is the gift of loving yourself. Here are three ways to kick start the self-love today:

Heal your wounds. I have spent a lot of money in counselling to heal the wounds of my past. Maryanne Williamson says the wounds we do not heal in our childhood will manifest themselves in the ugliness in our personalities. Do the hard work of healing those wounds. Many of you have EAP programs at work, use them.

Change your belief systems. I was told a lot of things growing up by teachers and family members. I was too short, I was too stupid and I came from a broken home. I learned that those thoughts were ingrained in me by depleted people who did not love themselves. I have since learned to let go of the 10% belief systems. I was also told a lot of great things, which is what I focus on.

Take care of yourself. We self-sabotage to avoid what we should be working on. Stop doing that. Even if no one at your dinner table taught you how to take care of yourself, do it anyway. Do the basics: drink enough water, eat healthy foods, get plenty of sleep and exercise. We all know we should but the reasons we don’t are what we need to change. If you don’t take care of yourself, you end up depleted for the people you love, and what does that teach them about self-love?

This Valentine’s Day give yourself a card and write in it everything you are great at, your strengths, your 90%s.

Love

January 2018 - Celebrate

Success and team work concept. Team of business partners with raised up hands in light modern workstation celebrating the breakthrough in their company

Rather than a New Year’s Resolution I like to create a theme for the year, and this year my theme is CELEBRATE! I have had many years of themes that were about improving, and this year I am ready to celebrate all of my hard work paying off! Last year my theme was “Letting Go” and I had to let a lot go. Now I am ready to celebrate.

Celebrate your job/company. I will celebrate my 25th year speaking this year! Wow. It is rare these days to meet a group of staff that are not totally overwhelmed by the amount of rapid changes taking place in their companies. I think it is time to take a break from change and celebrate what is good in our businesses. What are your successes as a company? What are your strengths? Rather than constantly changing, let’s celebrate what is good. Host monthly 90% meetings where people come together and talk about what is great.

Celebrate your coworkers and clients. It’s time to celebrate the great people we get to work with. The 10% people take up so much of our time and energy. I am simply tired of dealing with the 10% people. I have tried to love them, care for them and change them but I have learned that negative people are like addicts, they have to want to make the change for themselves; unfortunately, most of the 10% that I meet never do. For 2018, let’s stop giving the 10% people our energy and letting them rent space in our heads. They win when we do that, and I am tired of them winning. It’s time to celebrate the great people.

Celebrate your friends. I have spent years building a circle of absolutely wonderful friends. I have many friends on Facebook but I have a tight circle of wonderful people in my everyday life, too. I celebrate my friends who are 90% people and who strive to live their lives fully. I have had to let a lot of toxic people go, and my life is better as a result.

Celebrate your family. I am celebrating a wonderful time in my life. I’ve shared 25 years with Darren and am watching our teenagers grow up to be incredible young adults. I am celebrating this season of my life. Our family has been through a lot over the years—it is time to celebrate how far we have come.

Celebrate yourself. Celebrate you and your 90%s—your strengths, your accomplishments and all that makes you great. Then pick one 10% thing that you need to work on and spend this year working on that. Make your theme this year what you need to do the most; Heal, Nourish, Cope, Grow, Let Go or Simplify. Spend all year applying your theme to your life.

Happy New Year!